Planning Ahead
by Natalie Pompilio
DECEMBER 7, 2009 TAGS:
John Ross isn’t sick, but he has his funeral already planned: He wants to be cremated, his ashes scattered at a family ranch in Montana. He wants a few family members on the scene, while all of his friends will get an e-mail telling them to think of him.
Ross pre-planned his good-bye long before taking his current job as director of the Cremation Association of North America, and he’s not the only one: Funeral professionals say they’re seeing more people pre-planning their funerals than ever before, taking steps to ensure their sends-offs are as special as they are and taking advantage of programs that lock in current prices for funerals that are – hopefully – far in the future.
“People are very focused on what they can do to show they are unique. They’re planning what they want done to memorialize themselves instead of leaving it to their survivors,” said Arvin Starrett, owner of a funeral home in Paris, Tx., and a spokesperson for the National Funeral Directors Association. “In part, it’s a sign of how diverse our population is becoming and how many people celebrate their individualism.”
They’re creating ceremonies that bypass traditional religious rites for more secular events featuring personal readings or music. They’re seeking unique final resting places, whether as part of barrier reefs, in eco-friendly coffins or turned into jewelry or art.
They’re putting Harley Davidson motorcyles in the funeral home’s viewing room, having remains carried on fire engines and generally making sure that it’s their way or no way.
“We grew up with that Burger King commercial, and we want everything our way,” said Bill McQueen, whose family operates five Florida funeral homes. “They don’t want the cookie-cutter funeral with so many prayers, sing a hymn at the beginning and the end, and you’re done.”
Pre-planning helps families do death better, experts say. About 75 percent of the sales at St. Michael’s Cemetery in Queens, N.Y., are pre-need, said general manager Dennis Werner. In part, he said, that’s because cemeteries have done a good job getting the word out that a death can throw a family into chaos.
“A lot of the time, they make a rash decision and they’re not that happy with it later on,” Werner said. “The people who plan in advance tend to be much more satisfied with their decision, be it a mausoleum or in the ground or cremation.”
Those who plan ahead also have the option of “prepaid” or “preneed” funerals. By paying now, participants have a chance to lock in current prices even if they live for decades.
“People realize the tremendous costs that can be involved in funerals, and they’re making plans for the future,” said the Cremation Association of North America’s Ross. “We’re seeing more younger people prepay than ever before, and it’s a greater advantage to them because the cost of a funeral is going to be considerably higher by the time they die.”
Pre-planning or pre-paying will not “jinx” someone, said Starrett, who has his own funeral planned: something old-fashioned with “good music and a nice casket and a traditional service in a church,” he said.
“When people come in to preplan, they’ve decided it’s what they want to do. Most walk away feeling better that they have had things taken care of.”
McQueen said sometimes people think it’ll be easier on their families if they skip the formalities. “When I die,” they’ll say, “just cremate me and don’t do anything at all. It’ll save you grief and tears.”
Not true, said McQueen.
“Anyone who has a loving relationship is going to go through grief, and you’re probably doing a disservice to your loved ones saying this is the way to go,” he said. “Efficiency doesn’t always equate with effectiveness.”
As the population grows more transient, funeral directors are also seeing less emphasis on a traditional religious service.
“People are opting to have their own creative memorializations, away from a church,” said Geronimo Mena Jr., who oversees a Florida crematory and is on the board of the Cremation Association. “It’s not an offense to organized religion. It’s a reflection of the times.”
McQueen offers patrons who don’t have a particular religious background the option of “certified celebrants.” The celebrant will meet with the family and get people talking about the deceased, then craft a service from those memories.
“It’s actually a great way to help the family on the initial steps of going down the path of grief and bereavement,” McQueen said.
Cremation also gives families fluidity, allowing them to choose unlikely locales for their good-byes.
“As cremation continues to be the preference of choice,” said McQueen, “you’re going to see more and more people saying, ‘I don’t want to have a ceremony in the church or in the four walls of the funeral home. That’s not what my father was about. He went fishing every day.’”
Perhaps Eli Henry’s funeral is an example of how a modern funeral can include traditional elements and leave family members satisfied.
After the 19-year-old was killed in a car accident five years ago, his memorial service was held on a beach, not in a formal parlor, and with a surfboard, not a casket, as the focal point for guests. It featured a Buddhist chant, the Jewish Kaddish, and songs from his mother’s gospel choir. At ceremony’s end, Eli’s mother, father and stepfather released his ashes into the wind, watching as they blew towards the Pacific Ocean.
A few years later, when Eli’s father died, he, too, was cremated and his ashes were released into the Pacific. It was a break in family tradition, but as the family patriarch said, “Putting him in a box and shipping him to Michigan and sticking him into the dirt wouldn’t be honoring him.” The memorial service featured Hawaiian dancers and a shaman.
“We had to do something to honor this person, not honoring some cultural tradition of yesteryear,” explained Cat Henry of California, Eli’s mother. “We were just focusing on what this person was to us and how to be in the moment with them. …. We wanted a good atmosphere where people would find peace and solace.”
Ross pre-planned his good-bye long before taking his current job as director of the Cremation Association of North America, and he’s not the only one: Funeral professionals say they’re seeing more people pre-planning their funerals than ever before, taking steps to ensure their sends-offs are as special as they are and taking advantage of programs that lock in current prices for funerals that are – hopefully – far in the future.“People are very focused on what they can do to show they are unique. They’re planning what they want done to memorialize themselves instead of leaving it to their survivors,” said Arvin Starrett, owner of a funeral home in Paris, Tx., and a spokesperson for the National Funeral Directors Association. “In part, it’s a sign of how diverse our population is becoming and how many people celebrate their individualism.”
They’re creating ceremonies that bypass traditional religious rites for more secular events featuring personal readings or music. They’re seeking unique final resting places, whether as part of barrier reefs, in eco-friendly coffins or turned into jewelry or art.
They’re putting Harley Davidson motorcyles in the funeral home’s viewing room, having remains carried on fire engines and generally making sure that it’s their way or no way.
“We grew up with that Burger King commercial, and we want everything our way,” said Bill McQueen, whose family operates five Florida funeral homes. “They don’t want the cookie-cutter funeral with so many prayers, sing a hymn at the beginning and the end, and you’re done.”
Pre-planning helps families do death better, experts say. About 75 percent of the sales at St. Michael’s Cemetery in Queens, N.Y., are pre-need, said general manager Dennis Werner. In part, he said, that’s because cemeteries have done a good job getting the word out that a death can throw a family into chaos.
“A lot of the time, they make a rash decision and they’re not that happy with it later on,” Werner said. “The people who plan in advance tend to be much more satisfied with their decision, be it a mausoleum or in the ground or cremation.”
Those who plan ahead also have the option of “prepaid” or “preneed” funerals. By paying now, participants have a chance to lock in current prices even if they live for decades.
“People realize the tremendous costs that can be involved in funerals, and they’re making plans for the future,” said the Cremation Association of North America’s Ross. “We’re seeing more younger people prepay than ever before, and it’s a greater advantage to them because the cost of a funeral is going to be considerably higher by the time they die.”
Pre-planning or pre-paying will not “jinx” someone, said Starrett, who has his own funeral planned: something old-fashioned with “good music and a nice casket and a traditional service in a church,” he said.“When people come in to preplan, they’ve decided it’s what they want to do. Most walk away feeling better that they have had things taken care of.”
McQueen said sometimes people think it’ll be easier on their families if they skip the formalities. “When I die,” they’ll say, “just cremate me and don’t do anything at all. It’ll save you grief and tears.”
Not true, said McQueen.
“Anyone who has a loving relationship is going to go through grief, and you’re probably doing a disservice to your loved ones saying this is the way to go,” he said. “Efficiency doesn’t always equate with effectiveness.”
As the population grows more transient, funeral directors are also seeing less emphasis on a traditional religious service.
“People are opting to have their own creative memorializations, away from a church,” said Geronimo Mena Jr., who oversees a Florida crematory and is on the board of the Cremation Association. “It’s not an offense to organized religion. It’s a reflection of the times.”
McQueen offers patrons who don’t have a particular religious background the option of “certified celebrants.” The celebrant will meet with the family and get people talking about the deceased, then craft a service from those memories.
“It’s actually a great way to help the family on the initial steps of going down the path of grief and bereavement,” McQueen said.
Cremation also gives families fluidity, allowing them to choose unlikely locales for their good-byes.
“As cremation continues to be the preference of choice,” said McQueen, “you’re going to see more and more people saying, ‘I don’t want to have a ceremony in the church or in the four walls of the funeral home. That’s not what my father was about. He went fishing every day.’”
Perhaps Eli Henry’s funeral is an example of how a modern funeral can include traditional elements and leave family members satisfied.
After the 19-year-old was killed in a car accident five years ago, his memorial service was held on a beach, not in a formal parlor, and with a surfboard, not a casket, as the focal point for guests. It featured a Buddhist chant, the Jewish Kaddish, and songs from his mother’s gospel choir. At ceremony’s end, Eli’s mother, father and stepfather released his ashes into the wind, watching as they blew towards the Pacific Ocean.A few years later, when Eli’s father died, he, too, was cremated and his ashes were released into the Pacific. It was a break in family tradition, but as the family patriarch said, “Putting him in a box and shipping him to Michigan and sticking him into the dirt wouldn’t be honoring him.” The memorial service featured Hawaiian dancers and a shaman.
“We had to do something to honor this person, not honoring some cultural tradition of yesteryear,” explained Cat Henry of California, Eli’s mother. “We were just focusing on what this person was to us and how to be in the moment with them. …. We wanted a good atmosphere where people would find peace and solace.”
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